Why? WHY NOT?   Blah Blah Blah..

My inner child feels listless. And my adult feels ready to put the out of business sign on the door.  I really REALLY think I’m running out of gas. I know how to get thru the day, yet at the beginning of it and at the end of it… I’m like  “WTH?” Why do I justify BS? Onion Rings are NOT French Fries. Muffin Tops are NOT OK. I CAN’T handle loose change or single dollar bills in my pocket. There is NOTHING in the kitchen at work that is OK for me to consume. The only things that I can lagitamtly buy at a WAWA is coffee, ice or water! At the diner an omelette or a Greek Salad with Chicken. And I’m NOT able to go to the market without a list. Why do I give my power away when I know better? Why do I get pissed when people who love me call to JUST make small talk?  I just don’t feel grounded?  Why don’t I do something about how I’m feeling? It’s like I’m always on the path and I’m not getting anywhere! I just keep walking, tripping, regrouping and walking. And when I feel close to “anything” I get interrupted! I get told by someone or something that this is what I want or this is what someone wants or needs from me. I seriously, need a break from EVERYTHING! Like an EAT. LOVE . PRAY. Journey.  If I could just go and have no time tables, no need to check in… If I could just journey and swim, explore, rest, dream, rejuvenate…spend time with me!!! As I write, I am realizing I have maybe painted myself into a corner. I feel trapped! I don’t feel like I want to rush out… I just want to slow down have my own space not defend my needs. I would love to just carve out a space that is just mine- just me and DottieDawg’s, something that is not connected to anyone else or anything else. WHY NOT? Blah Blah Blah…

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